Monday, July 6, 2009
Good Advice for White Knucklers
A good friend, appropriately named Joy, in a casual conversation said "so many of us are white knuckleing every trial in our life when surrender is the only answer." Another friend, Jenny, keeps looking at me and smiling as she says "It is what it is, Susan." In a song, on Francesca Battistelli's "My Paper Heart" CD Francesca sings "I feel like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe." I've been "white knuckleing" it so long my knuckles are transparent. Anyway, when I was told I had some invaders in both my "girls," I found myself two nights later starting to lose it, feeling out of control and like, well, "I was falling." Finally, the encouragement of the Lord, the truth and directions in His Word kicked in. Finally. Did I say that...Finally. I "set my mind on things above (Jesus) not on things of the earth, I sang, hummed songs to encourage myself and to acknowledge God's care over my life. (Big sigh) I found victory in doing what God, who created every thing my puney little eyes could see, God, who healed me in 1991 from a crippling disease, Whose compassion in March and April of this year helped me to know His heart, I found peace was ruling in my heart where fear and anxiety had possessed me for years. Surrendering is so scary but bottom line, rather I "White Knuckle" it or surrender my will, it is "still what it is." It is my decision rather I am going to freefall with God as my parachute or if I am going to hold on and continue to ruin my health and mind by the damage fear and anxiety do. By the way, the "girls" are staying with me. This time I won - I didn't let worry and anxiety during those days of waiting steal all my strenth. I just went on with my daily routine reminding myself once of twice that "it is what it is" and "surrender" to God's will might feel like I am "falling uncontrollably, but Jesus has never failed me yet. Joy, Jenny, Francesca thanks for being the voice of the Lord to me - I fight the good fight of faith with your counsel.
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Wow Susan!!!
ReplyDeleteReading your blog last evening was SO encouraging to me!!! Sorry it took me a few days to get to it, but that was definitely God's timing.
The past couple days I've been going through one of those deep spells of discouragement where I just wished it were possible for all followers of Christ to get an advance peek into heaven to see the fruit of our labors here on earth. That would just be so darn encouraging while we are slogging through this phase of eternity! I've been feeling my shortcomings so strongly this past week as I've tried to witness and minister to a 90 year old woman that called the church desperately looking for help. The Holy Spirit told me to "go" see her, so I did, multiple times last week and over the weekend. I can't tell you how inept I've been feeling in this particular endeavor. My husband returned home from his Ukraine and Belarus mission trips on Monday evening to find me struggling with this question: "Is there ANYTHING I've ever said or done -- ANYTHING -- that has made a difference to anyone I'll see in the Kingdom of God when we are all standing there, clothed in our robes of righteousness in the end?" The past few days I've been crying out to God for encouragement. I just needed to know that in spite of all my shortcomings and ineptness at times, that God is still somehow using me. I know that question is a self-centered one, but I really needed to hear from God.
Your blog made me cry last evening -- but for good reason. It gave me that tiny peek into heaven, to know that "Yes," we are all being used in different ways at different times (despite our shortcomings, shortsightedness, and weaknesses) to make a difference in the lives of others we will see in the Kingdom of God.
Thank you so much for blogging on Monday. It was a big "back at ya" from God to me. :-)
Hugs!
Joy